Endless Ramblings: Grow Up

It's been awhile since I've written a blog entry so this is going to be a montage of thought. I've been home for spring break this week and have had some interesting conversations with my dad and my brother-in-law so I'm writing to lay out some thoughts I've come across. Read on if you can follow my ramblings.

My dad is reading a book by Phillip Yancey (I believe it's Disappointment With God). He read aloud a statement Yancey makes which I will paraphrase. He basically compared God communicating with us with us trying to communicate with bacteria on a microscope slide. I thought and rethought the statement. God trying to speak with us is like us trying to speak with microorganisms. This statement goes far beyond a mere comparison in physical size and hits raw reality in our journey to a better relationship with God. God and I, no matter what I do, say, study, or accomplish are always going to be at different levels. He's going to do things that I'm simply never going to understand, and He's going to say things that I'm simply never going to understand. It's not like I can try really, really hard and sit and ponder and all of the sudden shout out "I got it!" God and I, no matter what either of us want, are always going to be fundamentally different. Another comparison is me trying to communicate with my one-year-old niece. I can sit down on the floor with her and begin giving her a detailed explanation of the meaning of life and she'll stare back up at me and grin as she sticks a toy in her mouth. Does she understand anything I'm saying? Not really. If I want to talk so that she'll understand, I have to use simple language - small words and short sentences. Does she understand me now? Sure. But I'll have to leave that explanation on the meaning of life for another time when she's much older because no matter how simple I make the explanation, there are just certain complexities that she'll never understand at her developmental level (do I even understand?). We're fundamentally different in the way we view the world because of our ages. But unlike my niece who will eventually grow up and someday give me her explanation of the meaning of life, I will never "grow up" to God's level. God and I are fundamentally different. It's reality. So the next time I ask God a tough question, I picture Him trying to do His best to explain what He can, but no matter what He says or does to respond, I just wont be able to understand at His level.

The next thought came from a discussion with my brother-in-law this evening. He posed a question from a book he's read in the past (don't remember this one). He asked something like, "are we humble enough to question what we believe?" Now let me answer the "what do you mean by that?" Too often church and religious school has been a place where people are taught to believe a certain way without any exploration of why and those who speak out and question are looked upon as trouble makers. For example, a friend of mine wrote in his blog about questioning one of the "beliefs" that many in my denomination hold regarding baptism. They believe that baptism can only take place after one goes through thorough Bible study and exhibits an understanding of the specific tenets of doctrine of my denomination. He believes that baptism should come first as a response to salvation. He brought up questions in a class but was never really answered. The sense was "just believe what I say." And often when such questions are asked, it is taken as a personal assault on the knowledge of the teacher or an assault on the church.

The issue of when and how baptism should take place may not be that big of a deal to some, but what if people start questioning the nature of God, the process of salvation, the need for forgiveness, or the need for morality? Do we feel like our intelligence has been insulted and respond with a "take my word for it" answer or feel embarrassed when we don't know and try to cover with a generic "that's the way it is"?

True humility comes recognizing that we don't know everything. There is a feeling in some that we have to have it all together, that we need to always have an explanation and there's actually a measure of fear that comes up when someone questions beliefs because beliefs is where many find security. But we don't know everything. No one on the face of this planet has a complete correct picture of knowledge. We all interpret the Bible differently. This verse means such and such and that verse means such and such. Security should not come from our knowledge but should come from God. Do we have the humility to say, "I don't know?" Do we have the confidence in God to not be afraid when beliefs are questioned? We are going to spend eternity trying to figure out God and what He's done. Let's let him be the focus of our thoughts.

Irony: Part 1

I spent a week in Washington DC with my family after Christmas. We got to see some of the monuments, museums, and government agency buildings. On our way back to our hotel one evening, we walked past the Environmental Protection Agency building. In front of the building was a trash can brimming with trash. I don't know why the sight struck me as funny, but I thought it was a little ironic. I laughed a little about it for the next block until I got to the next building and saw an equally ironic but far less comedic sight. I had just gotten through making a statement to my mom about how cold I was and how glad I was that I had brought my coat when I saw the sign for the Internal Revenue Service. My gaze immediately shifted to the bench in front of the sign which held a sleeping homeless man. My words burned into my mind as I walked past. I was on my way back to a warm hotel room with a warm comfortable bed and I wondered what it would be like to be cold without any place to go or what it would be like to wonder where I'd get my next meal.

Read through the following quote from Isaiah 58:1-8. It's a little long but I think makes my point better than I could say.

1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.

2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.

4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Unfortunately we live in a world filled with the poor, the oppressed, and the hungry. Sin has infected our world and brought about all of these things and more. As I wandered the streets of Washington DC, I saw people and buildings that represent immense wealth and power. But there even in the midst of the city symbolic of wealth and power are the hungry, the poor, the naked. Will we "…turn away from [our] own flesh and blood?"

The Heart of Giving

As some of you know, I've been teaming up with various people to raise money to purchase a guitar for a worship leader in my home town. If you have not yet heard the full story, let me know and I'll fill you in. Otherwise, read below for the letter I received today. I sincerely hope all of you are inspired to open your hearts to the many needs around the world and the gospel commission that God has entrusted each of us with. Thankyou.



Dear Jeff, Michael, and All Who Gave,

After beginning, then deleting this letter about three or four different times, it is clear that words will never capture my heart of gratitude to God and to all who gave. Although difficult, I will convey my heart to you if I have to hire a billboard in the middle of campus at Southern! I'm truly overwhelmed at the faithfulness and provision of God. I'm in awe, nearly a mess, over the fact that my friends, along with many people I don't even know, would selflessly give at the direction of the Lord. From the bottom of my heart, a wish to convey the deepest sincerity of the phrase "thank you." With tears, I was speechless for quite sometime when Jeff, Michael, and their parents presented me with a brand new Taylor Acoustic Guitar. A 214ce with a hard shell case, to be exact. It is beautiful and plays better than my old Taylor that I sold several weeks ago. I've been playing it a lot, trying to keep my composure while play this beautiful guitar. It sounds wonderful when played through our PA system at church as well. My heart continues to melt at the thought of all of the generosity and compassion that everyone showed me by giving this awesome gift.

I'm sure you know the story concerning the fundraising for the mission trip to Armenia. In essence, you gave to this mission trip as well. Pastors and leaders from Armenia, Turkey, Iran, and others were trained to take the gospel into countries that persecute Christians. This money provided them with conference materials, lodging, and food during the training. This is huge as God is mandating an advance into these radical countries such as Turkey and Iran. The reports that we keep hearing from the training are amazing. I'm sending a DVD of the trip of the mission trip for you to look at. In one instance, there is an Iranian women who is reading her brand new paperback Bible for the first time. She is overwhelmed and brought to tears, stating "It's like looking at my child." She continues to cry, attempting to read the passage from Revelation. They cherish the word so much. Notice the excitement on the faces of the Iranians when the delivery truck arrives with the Bibles. It's very moving to say the least.

The scripture is clear that you cannot out give the Lord. Malachi 3:10 and Luke 6:38 are evident to the faithfulness of our Father. I pray an abundant blessing from God for each one of You. Expect the Lord to move on your behalf. One thing is clear. Take God at his word and wait for your miracle. But in the mean time, a most elaborate "thank you" to our God and to you for being a part of my miracle. I cherish this gift as it will be a constant reminder of the provision of God and your generosity each time that I bring praise to the Lord with it. May you have an awesome Holiday season and be blessed. Always know that your gift will never be forgot. I love you all.

Your Friend,
Ray Hagen
Manchester, KY

Showdown

There’s a story of a liberal Christian and a conservative Christian. They both felt their point of view was the best and that the other was missing the important issues. Nothing either said could change the other’s mind. One day they both died. The liberal went to heaven and said, “finally, the truth will be shown that I was right.” He settled into his mansion and then decided to check out the neighbors. He knocked on the door only to be totally shocked at who answered. It was the conservative. What’s he doing here and how could we be neighbors? They both went to God to see what was wrong and God said, “You’re both here because you accepted my grace and chose to live a life of love according to the knowledge that was given to you. Go in peace my children and enter in to the eternity that I have planned for you.”

There’s another story of a liberal Christian and a conservative Christian. They both felt their point of view was the best and that the other was missing the important issues. Nothing either said could change the other’s mind. One day they both died. The conservative went to hell and said, “where did I go wrong?” He wandered around and was surprised to see the liberal. I couldn’t have ended up the same place he did. They appealed to God and God said, “You’re both there because you failed to accept my grace and live a life of love according to the knowledge that was given to you.” With tears in his eyes he continued, “Enter in to the fires of eternal destruction.”

Hopefully the point of this parable is apparent beyond a discussion of heaven and hell. I have one more story. There are several ministry organizations on my college campus that for the longest time I have avoided because of things people in these groups have said about me and what I believe. I never knew what they did and I didn’t want to take the time to find out. Yesterday, a friend of mine invited me to go with one of these groups and so I said yes. They went to an apartment for the mentally and physically handicapped and put on a basic church service with lots of music and fellowship. The smiles on the faces of the residents said it all - This group was doing something awesome for the kingdom of God.

I discovered something that day. If you’re a liberal, I have some startling news. Sometimes conservatives are right and some of them are going to heaven, maybe even next door. If you’re a conservative, I have some startling news. Sometimes liberals are right and some of them are going to heaven, maybe even next door. People are always going to disagree but maybe I need to see if the disagreement is worth it. Sometimes it will be, but maybe sometimes God has a plan to break down some walls and do something amazing with ALL of us.

Last week

Because several people have asked, I'm posting about what happened to me last week.

It was Thursday morning at nursing clinicals. I had been sick for a couple of days so I wasn't feeling that great, but I was functioning. As the morning went on, a pain in my left shoulder began to develop and by noon became very noticeable. As I was breathing the pain was getting worse and I began to feel rubbing sensations in my left chest. I soon realized that I had had these symptoms before

A summer or two ago, I was sitting on a beach early in the morning and stood up only to have a very sharp pain in my left shoulder. I tried to walk back to my hotel room but quickly found myself very short of breath. It turned out that my left lung had randomly partially collapsed, medically what is called a spontaneous pneumothorax. I ended up spending a week and a half in the hospital with chest tubes and eventually had to have surgery to correct the problem.

I was hoping that this time the same thing wasn't happening, but I couldn't ignore it. On the way to my university's clinic, I felt more rubbing/bubbling sensations and a sharp increase in pain so that when I finally made it to the clinic, I couldn't take even a partial breath of air without it feeling like a knife was being placed in my shoulder. The clinic assessed me and then sent me off to get a chest x-ray which meant I had to drive to another clinic in Chattanooga. On my way there, something happened. I had an odd bubbling sensation and simultaneously all my pain and shortness of breath left. It took about five seconds to go from a knife stabbing to a state as if nothing had ever happened. When I finally got my chest xray, there was no evidence of anything. What happened on the way to the doctor's office I do not know but two weeks later, none of the symptoms have returned. Unless there's something I don't understand, a pneumothorax doesn't resolve that fast with no evidence.

Random Thoughts: Still God

My last two entries have been about the awesome wonder that comes about when God steps in and does something extraordinary. I believe God uses these moments to rejuvenate our faith, to make a statement of the Godness of God, to let us know He's still near. But what happens in the inbetween? The times when the extraodinary is not happening? After these last couple of experiences you'd think I'd be set for awhile as far as my willingness to trust God. We shall see...

This morning, I woke up feeling sick and my first thought was "God why is this happening to me." I hadn't gotten much sleep during the night and I had to go take my first major exam of the semester. I managed to get out of bed and start my day. My test was first thing in the morning but when I went to take it, I couldn't concentrate and my mind felt foggy. So I complete the test to see my grade (everything's computerized) which was the lowest grade I've ever made on a nursing exam. Again I ask God, "Why is this happening?"

I went back to my room and basically wasted away the rest of the morning wallowing in self-pity when all of the sudden, a thought hit me. What am I doing? I had this picture in my head of God standing over in the corner with a smirk on his face saying sarcastically, "Are you done yet?" Yes I was done.

I was reminded once again, that God is God all the time. He's still God when I bomb a test. He's still God when my health fails. He's still God when I act stupid. It is not the content of my day that determines my relationship with God but my daily willingness to trust regardless of what happens. Got a down day? He's still God.

Random Thoughts - Prayer

God works in awesome ways. I fully believe we are in a time of spiritual renewal and I want nothing more than for the power of God to be seen in the lives of people so that God may be glorified as He alone deserves. The following is an excerpt from an email I sent to a couple of friends. These words alone cannot adequately describe everything but hopefully God will move in your hearts as you read.

"There have been some really cool things going on here with prayer lately. Every Friday and Saturday, we have a variety of worship services and music events and each week, they have been progressively getting more and more intense as far as meeting with God. Along with that, Satan has been working harder and harder on everyone involved because we have been letting God use us more. My story about last week can be found on my blog page called "God in a music stand". This week was again surrounded in prayer.

I was asked in the middle of the week to play music for our main Friday night vespers service which most of the students here attend. So Michael and I decided to do an acoustic service with just the two of us playing and a couple of singers. Prayer was very present in our practice time. Michael and I were sitting in our room getting ready to practice and I said "Let's..." and Michael quickly finished "...pray." On Thursday, I got an email from a friend asking me for prayer about a test that she had spent a lot of time studying for but still felt very unprepared. I realized that she was in the test at the time so I immediately took time to pray for her. Later that day, I saw her and said I prayed for her. She asked what time and I said about 10:40 AM. At that exact moment, the teacher came over to her and said "You look like you're having a hard time, can I help you?" So she sat down and helped her understand the questions. On Friday, we spent part of the afternoon practicing for the after vespers music program called Adoration. I could feel a lot of tension as we were practicing and I believe fully that it was Satan trying to get our attention off of God. Later that day, I randomly got a text message from a guy whom I respect as a man of God who said "i really want to pray for you tonight". Also, a little bit after that, my mom emailed me and said "I've felt really impressed to pray for you more than usual today." She said she was impressed to the point of pulling over on the side of road as she was driving and then a second time later that day as she was doing some house work. Then sound check came and historically, the program participants have not set aside a time of prayer before the service. But this time, our chaplain really emphasized how from now on he's wanting to get sound check and all of the preliminaries done so the participants can have an extended time of prayer before-hand. So we did just that and it was a really intense time with God as we prayed with and for each other and shared our thoughts on the core Bible verse of the evening. Soon after we finished praying, it was time to start the music. We started off with a modern version of the hymn, "The Solid Rock" and then moved on to "Blessed be Your Name". Both of those songs went really well but the last two were even better. We went on to "Enough", during which I substituted the bridge for a monologue about God being sufficient in different points throughout history, wrapping up with the current moment. Then we ran that song into another old song, "I have decided to follow Jesus." As soon as I started leading the first phrase, the one-thousand or so people in the room erupted with a volume I've only ever heard in auditoriums of 10 - 20 thousand. The intensity of the singing was overwhelming. The sermon went on from there and was a perfect followup. After, that service was over, Michael and I moved over to another auditorium where we were going to play for the "Adoration" service (it starts at about 9:15 PM). The seats quickly filled with probably 200 people or so. We cycled between times of fun and times of worship and then the time ended. Our song leader paused and everyone got up and started to leave because it was "officially" the end. But then, as people were stepping out, our song leader (whom I also admire as a great man of God) said quietly into the microphone "do you want to keep singing?" followed by a resounding roar of "yeah!" as people rushed back to their seats. From there, the worship took off in a way I can't describe. I can only say that it was God lead.

I look back up and see I've spent awhile writing but it is hard for me to keep silent. I hope that you are encouraged as I am to see God working in awesome ways. He is inspiring a passion in the hearts of people that moves beyond the levels of church and music and gets down to the core of our existence. All of this excitement that I have been describing is not just excitement but a movement of people for the glory of God. Lives are being changed daily because of the joy of God's people. Even today in my religion class, our teacher said that two students came to him one day last week and said they wanted to give their hearts to Jesus. Pretty cool!